I did some math homework! (dances) But I didn't go swimming in the end. Nonetheless, it's still a nice Sunday, jogging feels good even when I slept in the morning today and woke up two hours later to go jogging with Pearlene Quek. Now the family's gone grocery(ing) and I'm supposed to finish my binomial, (woohoo), but I want to sleep I'm waiting my f my hair to dry up.
I have many thoughts. I don't really know how to sum 'em up in words but I'll try.
I gotta stop hurting. But in the midst of restricting yourself at best, when you don't want to do something most, something with no intention at all, it hits others with the greatest impacts.
Sometimes, you have so much angst in you and think, why? Why must I be the one? Am I like a toy or something, being thrown around. Flowery words, sweet talks, tall tales, pretty lies strewn all over the canvas and being pushed and pulled around by others doing as they want. You want this, you make it known to the world. You don't want it, you put it up for sale. Sadly, in the most unknown, shabby store, the one in the corner.
Escape. Denial. Somehow, they always find their way to get together. It's like how we walked around the shop, and everytime I see your facial expression change, or you stopped abruptly like you recalled something, I decided its best to walk away. You may have wanted to share, or want someone to hear what you had to say, but I 'd rather not hear what stories lay behind those colourful figures or smart number toys. Those memories belonged to you. Not me, not us. I didn't want to hear a word of it. Till now I realise it was all part and parcel of denial.
Hear those songs, pass those places, recall some familiar faces, remember some words. But they were valid only then, not now, ain't it. Blast the same songs, get immunity. Keep going to the places, replace the memories. Keep the faces as friends. Keep those words in a tape. You may want to throw out of your window now, but in the future, you may just miss them enough. One day when it won't hurt, you'd want to play it, and replay it, and put it on loop. Remember, and smile to yourself. Don't throw it all away.
Sure, you're mad. You feel like jumping on the whole world, not even sure how you got into the mess, all magnified by now. Thing is, you gotta remember. Remember that people lie. Remember that people make mistakes. Remember that people didn't mean it just as much as how you wish you weren't part of all the crap. For a good cause or unintentionally for the bad, remember to remember.
Don't keep clinging on, holding on. The grip'll get pretty strangling. It's okay to think about what you never got to go through. It's okay to know that others are better at it. It's all really okay. Not that it doesn't matter, it does. But whatever the case, it's okay. We learn, we grow. Anyway life's a journey, not a destination. Hold on not to what you never had and would kill to experience, but what you once had. It's better than never even having a chance to going through it. It's even a happy feeling of stealing something from someone!
I can't stop others from getting hurt, but I'll stay away. I'm not a wasted toy on auction, I'm a rare vintage toy waiting to be discovered. I'll stop denying, I'll listen intently about what you've got to say. I won't throw them out of the window, I'll keep them somewhere in my memory box. I learnt that things won't be perfect, more matters on how you stare perfection in the eye. I'd love being a thief on the railways of life, sprinting, not dragging my feet everywhere, leaving their marks in my wake.
I've had a joy ride, a time of my life. What about you?
Wow, that's a long post. I'm happy I could get them all out to words and hopefully, not miss out any point! I'm not emo, I've just had critical thinking. It feels really intellectual, try arranging your thoughts! Haha. Idiot my hair still not dry yet , means I cannot sleep.
Hair, please dry, quick, so I can sleep. Alternatively, you can choose to grow 10 cm longer. :D
GetOverIt-Avril L. keeps playing in my brain, quite irritating uh!
I want to sleep I want to sleep I want to sleep and my hair to grow 10 cm longer, hahaha. (Bodoh, getting long and heavy, had the urge to chop it and layered short again, like makeover. Prom at stake, prom at stake. I am a vain boyboy , hahaha. SOS SOS SOS.