This. And Belle of the Boulevard acoustic by Dashboard Confessional is making me miss Cameron Highlands.
Back then we were still so worried about results and everything and look at us now, all on our way to tertiary education, where ever it is going to bring us. We weren't totally at peace with ourselves and the overwhelming load of expectations we carried wouldn't be what the perfect getaway should include, but we were happy. And we knew at least, for those 4 days we could put everything down. The work, people, emotions, weather, all here stuck in Sg hehe. It is damn carefree the feeling I want to whisk every single student off to Cameron right now.
Wow blogging late into the night/day rocks. Okay digress. Okay I really need to stop playing minesweeper on msn so I can concentrate on blogging properly I like all the feelings coming out in words. Okay wait.
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I don't know what I'm doing. 'Cept to study hard for the subjects I don't even know yet I have no directions in anything I'm doing now. I guess it's the same for most of us. I am mixed up, confusing all my inner thoughts with all the rights and wrongs, actions and words. For the superficiality this world only sees it gets pretty hard to keep up with the pacing of everyone else's footsteps. You know the feeling you give and give and feel foolish but there's just this wall around the person you are trying to get to, and they don't get a single thing at all. And there you are wishing hard, hoping for the best to come to everyone for the best we want for ourselves, we want for the people dear to us as well. Yet they don't get it, things are taken for granted and on one side you are left high and dry and on the other side it gradually becomes a common sight to them, you pleading and praying so hard people actually get it but no, you are just in your own world, screaming silence for no one to hear. Bouts of struggles, we all go through them, though. It's nothing much, you think one day and another day the very same reason can shred your day in seconds when it just occurs to you all of a sudden.
It's unfair, isn't it? How we have to understand, time and again, taking and taking things in. Each time we adjust ourselves to our new selfs and we fill and fill this jar of understanding until it's up till the brim, on the brink of overflowing into a puddle of regret, guilt. No sun will evaporate your fears and take it all away, the murky waters will just seep into the ground and there it is stored away again at some other place. You seem all needed at once and then in a flash, redundant. People go to each other only if they need something. Here we are, living to feed each others needs and if you aren't needed you are stashed away some place until you are needed again. If you dare speak up your own needs, you will be denied, the need satisfied is nothing but the shame burning bright under your translucent skin and again, you are exposed -- bare in the flesh.
What's right, and what's wrong? It's just a matter of perspectives and which side garners popularity. It should not be such, but reality and society is such. Whatever majority deem acceptable is right. That way, what can we really make out of right from wrong? People at least are wrong in a way, I am wrong in so many ways. If nobody cares anyway how does it really matter doing things for the sake of nothing. Wash hands off things, off people.