Woke up and felt horrible it's like a sign. I swear being sad about one thing creates a domino effect. You'd think about all the reason's you're unhappy, currently and in the past and what you may be unhappy about which hasn't even happened yet. I don't know what I'm doing for so many things. Need a good scolding. Hate these dark, rainy days which makes things worse. These days which make you want to laze around in bed and not get up and feel blue and think and think. These analytical emotions, uneeded really. Just another one of those days.
Quite a chore going over the same few things again and again, ain't it. Don't want to do badly for Os, stop talking to me rubbish north south east west. Come boost my morale! Yesyesyes.
Hate my friends to be insulted when they only meant well. All my fault k, should be brighter. Stupid emotions, go climb back into your compartmentalized boxes.
Gotta stop harbouring hopes with already minimalized conversations. It's not that I've turned cold, I don't want hope you see. I refuse to hate cos hate is ugly. But indifference is no different, if you think about it. In every case there is some sacrifice to be made. In the hard way it can be forced, but in the easy way you can give it all in on your own part.
I don't know if people are looking for encouragement or disdain in me, on my part. It's just that all things wear out after time. People come and go, thought yes, it's a choice who stays. It's not impeccable prediction but the obvious signs. Everyone errs. Everyone leaves and fades in the same manner. Not much of a surprise.
It's unfair, but this world is unfair. When I'm unsure I'm fed with assurances but when I know of others' I just let them crumble sometimes, leave them to their own devices. I don't put in enough, but what's enough? I guess I let things go effortlessly without putting up fights, strongly as I believe I should. Too caught up with myself, too selfish to even give up bits for others. I always thing I'm trying but my actions do my thoughts no justice and in that, everything is empty talk. And talk is cheap.
I don't believe in doing your best. There is just wasting of your time, but no measure of efort, don't you think? There is always that few minutes you could have saved brushing your teeth faster, that hour you could have woke up earlier and that day you could have spent not moping around. There are always those few morsels of moments you wished you could have contained in a jar and unleash the time kept safetly in it for future use. But there's no such thing.
I always thought building these fences around me could keep me safe. How foolish.