saw a hugeass rainbow outside my bus window it's been so long since I've seen one (happy dance)
Maybe I only have myself to blame all along, to keep things close when you can't have it. Which is selfish. And wrong. And misleading. And confusing. Mind over matter in this case, it's not even what I want! So what's gotten into me. Reminder to self not to commit actions which are just easy ways out of a situation, or to ease current emotions. Remember to consider others' feelings, that effects always have a cause and that boredom or the crave for instant gratification is never an acceptable excuse to mislead others.
I WISH YOU KNEW I WISH TO WISH TO KNOW WHAT YOU WISH
Moments that catch you when you least expected are the best ones. Like Caleb caring for me even though he's a small boy and likes to piss me off. Like, I get really pissed!!
Missed smoochies at SIM damn. But I can't wait for 1-for-1 FILET O FISH OMG SO MANY FOOD DEALS NOW SO HAPPY. Starbucks and KFC and Macs but some are already over.
Soooooo tomorrow's finally ACID and I finally got 9 hours of sleep last night what a relief after the hectic handupallyourassignments&nosleep period.
I AM SO ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE WITH GOOD PHYSIQUE
In the end everything boils down to studies. It's where you get respect. And I want to be respected, to be good in something. KNOW THAT FEELING? I WANNA BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING.
How come it bothers me I feel like I'm not getting to people at school the way I got to people in Anderson? And it kind of bothers me how a close talk to someone or after watching a movie can affect immensely and make believe so fervently in thing. Which I will realise after a while that it's in my mind and isn't reality, it isn't me at all.
Missed smoochies at SIM damn. But I can't wait for 1-for-1 FILET O FISH OMG SO MANY FOOD DEALS NOW SO HAPPY. Starbucks and KFC and Macs but some are already over.
Soooooo tomorrow's finally ACID and I finally got 9 hours of sleep last night what a relief after the hectic handupallyourassignments&nosleep period.
I AM SO ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE WITH GOOD PHYSIQUE
In the end everything boils down to studies. It's where you get respect. And I want to be respected, to be good in something. KNOW THAT FEELING? I WANNA BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING.
How come it bothers me I feel like I'm not getting to people at school the way I got to people in Anderson? And it kind of bothers me how a close talk to someone or after watching a movie can affect immensely and make believe so fervently in thing. Which I will realise after a while that it's in my mind and isn't reality, it isn't me at all.
Pft
Come Friday I will be hosting ACID's launch night (check it out guys abm having zocard adverts in vans and frolick and some places woohoo the pride) and my pimple marks are scarring my nose ):<
P.s. 5:14AM and I said I'll finish up my essays at, like, 10 hours ago dayum
P.s. 5:14AM and I said I'll finish up my essays at, like, 10 hours ago dayum
I WANT YOU
Maybe I'm for nothing but my past cos the things I've seen and the images in my head and the things I know now are on the road of the grand endless unknown discovery for others out there so for that I'll never fit there beside them. Or be worthy to.
I meant the shoe YESSSSSS DA SHOEEEEEEEE I need shoes too
SO EXCITED
CAN'T WAIT TO GET SO MUCH SLEEP TOMORROWWWWWWWWWWWW
Assignments will be done and
Left with ACID and
Left with Econs test which I will have 3 days to study for after ACID and
omg I just swept at a bug on my paper and it was so fragile it fragmented into pieces and died oh no what have I done I'm so sorry
as I was saying
and Econs test and
chalet with Tan + people
and picnic with andss volleyballers guess I can't make it for chalet nor bbq for ACID
and baking
and reading
maybe writing
maybe a new image and
I need more clothes
and OFF TO MALAYSIA OMG HOLIDAYS WHAT YES HOLIDAYS OMG SDKNFDKLWNVRKENGKLNERGKRDNEG
gonna shop and eat and sleep and exercise and read up on assignments and if possible find materials and meet group but I don't think that that is possible. Maybe I should make it an outing and set a trap and they turn up and we discuss for a bit and then go out. HAHA WHY AM I HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS. Okay anyway it has been a busy Sem but I understand my modules and they are ok to cope with so I hope the rest of the assignments will stay this way and my GPA can go up! I have hopes I must say and I hope that I won't disappoint myself. Oh a hope in a hope INCEPTION ok think I'm nuts got 1600-456=1144 more words to go for my essays and I'm off to my brighter tomorrow hahahahahahahahaha ok hahahahahahahaha
Assignments will be done and
Left with ACID and
Left with Econs test which I will have 3 days to study for after ACID and
omg I just swept at a bug on my paper and it was so fragile it fragmented into pieces and died oh no what have I done I'm so sorry
as I was saying
and Econs test and
chalet with Tan + people
and picnic with andss volleyballers guess I can't make it for chalet nor bbq for ACID
and baking
and reading
maybe writing
maybe a new image and
I need more clothes
and OFF TO MALAYSIA OMG HOLIDAYS WHAT YES HOLIDAYS OMG SDKNFDKLWNVRKENGKLNERGKRDNEG
gonna shop and eat and sleep and exercise and read up on assignments and if possible find materials and meet group but I don't think that that is possible. Maybe I should make it an outing and set a trap and they turn up and we discuss for a bit and then go out. HAHA WHY AM I HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS. Okay anyway it has been a busy Sem but I understand my modules and they are ok to cope with so I hope the rest of the assignments will stay this way and my GPA can go up! I have hopes I must say and I hope that I won't disappoint myself. Oh a hope in a hope INCEPTION ok think I'm nuts got 1600-456=1144 more words to go for my essays and I'm off to my brighter tomorrow hahahahahahahahaha ok hahahahahahahaha
To Write Love On Her Arms
She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful.
One of these days your magic won't affect me and your gaze won't make my bones weak
1. I bought the wrong Jansport, its colour is wrong
2. My granny sunned her bolster and it dropped ten floors down and I went to pick it up and I felt like a homeless kid with a bolster at the void deck
3. Not good enough in touch rug
4. Not good enough in Acapella
5. Not good enough in arts
6. Need to compensate by being good in academics
7. Need to kick being lazy
8. Need to kick having the fear of failing to even try
9. Kick feeling worthless
10. What I can do like putting clothes together or having others like my preference or expert at mastering hairstyles and artandcrafts are useless
11. That I may be able to talk to anyone under the sun and mix with anyone and be a ball of friendliness but am an introvert inside
12. Feel like I stick out sometimes even though I seem to fit in anywhere
13. Difficult to start my work or push myself
14. Don't want my ability leading to practical actions leading to people thinking I am trying to shine
15. When I always can't get things right
16. That I don't open up much now because things have consequences, and people mar things when information dance from person to person
17. My mind is in a cloud
Pain is pain, connected by nerves to the brain
What's the point of winning, playing with hands that dirty?
Play for passion, not for fame.
Some one save that maiden from distress
I was listening to Daddy watch a clip on animal testing. I was triggered to think that for every statement, even if it is an opinion, can be made true. Not just for animal testing, the crux is on experiments, hypotheses and theses. Using phrases like "it is found out that" and "research shows" makes me think that for everything researchers say, there is a basis. (Just like how I fluff my assignments ahaha) However, to what extent is that based on? Everyone will find reasons and grounds possible to support their hypothesis and quote them. Yes, things are tested. But for every statement that is made, its words are chosen carefully, every phrasing disallowed to expose a hint of veering from the point to be made across. All the points and other "research" done which frown upon the conclusion of the supposed outcome will not be included. Critical Omission.
So how do we tell the stars in the sky apart from their reflection in the lake? How do people see the truth
Time will reveal everything. Exposed, or not matter anymore. Wait. Buckle up and sit tight now, pretty young thing. Patience. You have so much to learn, flower.
Play for passion, not for fame.
Some one save that maiden from distress
I was listening to Daddy watch a clip on animal testing. I was triggered to think that for every statement, even if it is an opinion, can be made true. Not just for animal testing, the crux is on experiments, hypotheses and theses. Using phrases like "it is found out that" and "research shows" makes me think that for everything researchers say, there is a basis. (Just like how I fluff my assignments ahaha) However, to what extent is that based on? Everyone will find reasons and grounds possible to support their hypothesis and quote them. Yes, things are tested. But for every statement that is made, its words are chosen carefully, every phrasing disallowed to expose a hint of veering from the point to be made across. All the points and other "research" done which frown upon the conclusion of the supposed outcome will not be included. Critical Omission.
So how do we tell the stars in the sky apart from their reflection in the lake? How do people see the truth
Time will reveal everything. Exposed, or not matter anymore. Wait. Buckle up and sit tight now, pretty young thing. Patience. You have so much to learn, flower.
I could wear a mask, and you would never know
Daydreamer
Sitting on the sea
soaking up the sun
He is a real lover
Of making up the past and feeling up his girl
Like he's never felt her figure before
A jaw dropper
Looks good when he walks
He is the subject of their talk
He would be hard to chase
But good to catch
and he could change the world
With his hands behind his back, oh
Time will tell and in time things will smoother out
Fringe this year
"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods.”
-C.S. Lewis
Fav
Every aching wound
will cauterize and bruise
in memory
of what
we used to call
in love
Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life?
What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
We came together but I left alone
left
you
there
Austerely
On the bus
It's a beautiful Thursday morning. Calm and peaceful, cooling and comfortable, the kind of Thursday in the holidays you'd never wanna get out of bed. I am so tired my eyes are bleary and I feel that the world is far to bright for me to take. Haven't had proper sleep and this holiday has been a busy one. I'm on my way to tcp empowerment camp. I've heard a lot of positive talk about it and I have good vibes. I'm hoping it will change my weary perspectives clouded with gloom.
It's funny how something you did and would rather you haven't doesn't just make you reproach yourself in that moment but clings on to you like a plague, one that won't go away. It's such a disdain that we've all been silly and done stupid things that we don't know will be our future cause of regret. It's funny how the human beings of today are actually creatures who self-inflict bitterness and reflect it ever so blatantly without noticing it themselves. It's funny, how we concentrate on pain and refuse to let go of horrible incidents but do not keep tabs on the happier things which could make life so much more fufilling. It's funny how we can remember negative things vividly but positive things, just fragments of it. We're chasing cheer away as though it's something we don't want to keep yet it's what we are all looking for. It's funny how one bad thing needs ten, twenty, probably fifty good things to make up for it. That, and negativity still may not be outweighed.
Why do we always wonder how things may have turned out the other way?
Fear of Writing
We are capable of splitting hairs even angels find too thin to dance on.
Rationalisation is powerful self-mechanism.
It's funny how something you did and would rather you haven't doesn't just make you reproach yourself in that moment but clings on to you like a plague, one that won't go away. It's such a disdain that we've all been silly and done stupid things that we don't know will be our future cause of regret. It's funny how the human beings of today are actually creatures who self-inflict bitterness and reflect it ever so blatantly without noticing it themselves. It's funny, how we concentrate on pain and refuse to let go of horrible incidents but do not keep tabs on the happier things which could make life so much more fufilling. It's funny how we can remember negative things vividly but positive things, just fragments of it. We're chasing cheer away as though it's something we don't want to keep yet it's what we are all looking for. It's funny how one bad thing needs ten, twenty, probably fifty good things to make up for it. That, and negativity still may not be outweighed.
Why do we always wonder how things may have turned out the other way?
Fear of Writing
We are capable of splitting hairs even angels find too thin to dance on.
Rationalisation is powerful self-mechanism.
Le Sigh
Some things are really out of one's control. It's like you can try all you want to know about it, or avoid it. Really if you can't do anything about it, try as you may, things that will happen, happens.
Cool things go together I'll just stand out of the circle and draw circles HAHA
How come people who don't give a shit always > people who give a damn.
Isn't it unfair how we zoom in into the bad things, that we care about who can't care less than those who actually do care? It's difficult to see the good things, isn't it.
Need more books to immerse in to have hope.
Cool things go together I'll just stand out of the circle and draw circles HAHA
How come people who don't give a shit always > people who give a damn.
Isn't it unfair how we zoom in into the bad things, that we care about who can't care less than those who actually do care? It's difficult to see the good things, isn't it.
Need more books to immerse in to have hope.
Better
We keep making mistakes but we become better people. For our whole life we'd probably never get to be the person we wanted to be, or thought we'd become. But we become better. We try to do what's right, try to draw the fine line between what's right and what's wrong. But those, too, are grey areas and places shrouded with uncertainty, for right and wrong is a matter of perception. Along the way, we're in pieces, but we're better.
candescent
Never judge, people say. I know why now. Everyone has their reasons for doing things. We know names, not stories.
How have things turned out this way
It's like I am not living up to my expectations. It's like you grow up and the world turns so ugly.
Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones
You know I'll stay up, with you all night.
I hate butterflies in my stomach, that feeling. It's like I want none of it for the moment. Nothing to do with butterflies for that matter.
I'm lost. Help.
It's me, it's my inability
Sorry
Be strong now, because things will get better.
It may be stormy now, but it will not rain forever.
To better days, X
To better days, X
It's okay not to be okay
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are.
Straighten up little soldier
How am I supposed to feel when my mummy tells me I'm headed the wrong way, which I believed in so much for close to 2 years now. That I have to see the subtle nuances of a person and wait till people get older, probably of working age. Good times are what hold things together, bad times are what breaks things apart. Although I'm confused and not sure if anything at all is what I really want, it hurts to hear decisions you've made were probably not the best. How do you let it all drift away all? Something which holds meaning to you, which you fervently believed in even for a while, the good times.
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
-
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
A hungry girl is an angsty girl.
Jayesslee!!!!!! Gig at TAB sometime ago. Credits to Yin Shuang!
Ikea's storeroom of Yummy Food:
There is no nice way to put some things isn't it. Both ends people will be hurt, both the person who is at the receiving and the delivering end. I'm just gonna sit and wait cause I don't want to make any wrong decisions which I may come to regret in time.
I like the night sky. It's so peaceful like everything is at rest and is a closure to the day. There are stars those shiny things in the sky. I love stars. And when it drizzles, the light breeze, the purple sky, when you look up and drops of rain are shooting down, when the floor is wet and when you taste the rain. I have this silly thought every time it rains, especially during the year ends, that we're like New York or Boston or something and it's so chilly and peaceful and comfortable.
Ikea's storeroom of Yummy Food:
-
There is no nice way to put some things isn't it. Both ends people will be hurt, both the person who is at the receiving and the delivering end. I'm just gonna sit and wait cause I don't want to make any wrong decisions which I may come to regret in time.
I like the night sky. It's so peaceful like everything is at rest and is a closure to the day. There are stars those shiny things in the sky. I love stars. And when it drizzles, the light breeze, the purple sky, when you look up and drops of rain are shooting down, when the floor is wet and when you taste the rain. I have this silly thought every time it rains, especially during the year ends, that we're like New York or Boston or something and it's so chilly and peaceful and comfortable.
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