I am sad that my good friend is not the happy kind. Yes I can laugh with her but she isn't happy. When I got to know her she was sad, very, very sad at that and it has been this way since. You know how when people get really down in the dumps no matter how happy they are they can't be really happy but just ok happy, happy? I don't know if I am over thinking but it gets me down and I hate this feeling of how you wish to save some one all the pain but really all you are is helpless and you can't do a thing. I fervently pray some times, really, really hard that some sort of magic would work itself to her and she'd be happy like I've never seen her before. Literally too, since she was happy before I knew her. I hate the "I wish I could save you all this pain" feeling I hope magic would do what it ought to do on everyone.
As I'm drifting away from everyone, everything seems superficial and distant. Like how close you once were, was it real? And my friends' favourite colours, food, all the little things I knew like the back of my hand -- did they change? Do I still know them now? Feels like I'm trying really hard to grab waves but the water just runs incessantly through my fingers.
Here's the old me rambling about the same old relationships are troublesome and requires commitment and messy and stuff bla bla. I don't know if I am stubborn and don't wanna change this thinking or have I already changed this viewpoint but don't want to believe in it. I am so damn comfortable now though in this aspect of life. Life is like, effortless over here! Maybe my mental mindset has moved to a sunnier island! Adina was telling me today how I am young and shouldn't put make up and how I shouldn't get into a relationship cos I'm still young and people may get hurt and Cherie was telling me her senior told her first year is for looking around adjusting and adapting to the changed environment in school I think Abby mentioned this too and Wayne was saying how today it is so easy to spot whether people are attached just by looking at Facebook but what if people like things private and others just don't take photos and etc. But this is not the issue the issue is What if I feel something and say out my thoughts aloud and then when time passes, like, ten years later or maybe even a month or week, my viewpoint changes and people think I'm lying and judge me. I hate this same old "other people's views" topic. It bugs me all the time and never goes away man I swear. I bet it bugs everyone once in a while, it's like a plague. You can say all you want how it's what others say and not the truth and the cliched Those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care but come on who are we trying to kid? Words bother people and and people judge and people get affected. The cycle repeats. Soundtrack of the stormy life.
Anyway I had my chicken spud today, the super rare and easily sold out baked potato sheperd pie with corn and chicken bits in it woohoo
AND
I went to check out Blackberries Daddy brought me so stoked! Data plan 1GB $40 a month. Iphone and Android has like 12GB a month ha but the dude told me thats because BB files are compressed i.e. take up less space! And being budget because I am, the models that I choose are old and hence cheaper. Curve $148, Bold $98.
Anyway I had my chicken spud today, the super rare and easily sold out baked potato sheperd pie with corn and chicken bits in it woohoo
AND
I went to check out Blackberries Daddy brought me so stoked! Data plan 1GB $40 a month. Iphone and Android has like 12GB a month ha but the dude told me thats because BB files are compressed i.e. take up less space! And being budget because I am, the models that I choose are old and hence cheaper. Curve $148, Bold $98.
BUT
Curve 9330
Curve 9330
- Reflective piece (which I don't like but vass told me it can be replaced)
- And it is possible to get Cath Kidston covers hehe
- Island keypads (which look nice on laptop but pretty weird on a phone)
- Camera
Bold 9000
- No camera (but I got digi and 2 toy cams which pearl got)
- Sexy leather back
- Classic Berry ball (but only older versions have which means this is ancient)
- No covers to be bought outside cos it's too old sigh
- like obsoleting sian so olddddddd
In conclusion, I really wanted a bold but seems like I am swaying to the curve side cos it's newer. Then again I like classics and have no use for the camera phone I don't even take pics with phone cam man and the ball is cute isn't it ha
My parents are watching some horror film yet I can't join in cos I have to
1. pack my bag and
2. do my work due tomorrow and
3. bathe
cos I'm lazy like that.
I didn't get the scholarship I was so bummed cos I didn't even get through first round when I thought I answered very eloquently ha ha ha ok la so I was bummed then my daddy told me it's fine just take it as some one who needed it more took it I feel comforted but I also need what. Should've gone to sister's course teaching children they got like 20x more scholarships than us new course with small market some more only got 1 scholarship and it's school's one. Meh. External organisations offer more for the scholarships you see. I have to achieve more I am so lazy and underachieved ok.
I can go on forever man it's the time of the night when people like to talk alot and I have so much to say about friends and future and my life journey which I feel rather unaccomplished and a tad bleak about currently. Ok stop.
My parents are watching some horror film yet I can't join in cos I have to
1. pack my bag and
2. do my work due tomorrow and
3. bathe
cos I'm lazy like that.
I didn't get the scholarship I was so bummed cos I didn't even get through first round when I thought I answered very eloquently ha ha ha ok la so I was bummed then my daddy told me it's fine just take it as some one who needed it more took it I feel comforted but I also need what. Should've gone to sister's course teaching children they got like 20x more scholarships than us new course with small market some more only got 1 scholarship and it's school's one. Meh. External organisations offer more for the scholarships you see. I have to achieve more I am so lazy and underachieved ok.
I can go on forever man it's the time of the night when people like to talk alot and I have so much to say about friends and future and my life journey which I feel rather unaccomplished and a tad bleak about currently. Ok stop.