Maybe people have regrets. Sure, everyone makes mistakes. But some things you just can't afford to err, it's like when you're done, you're done for good. Some people just can't get along, some people do fine when they're put together. Some people, even though they can't always get along, they'll find their way back. Where it's most familiar, comfortable and where it feels right. There's no way in the world to describe it, it just feels so. And then maybe one fine day you just make a mistake. You wander, lost, like a train off from it's tracks. Maybe it's the cheap thrill of the giddy excitement, or some reason you just felt to cling on to, for a while at least. And that's it, you never know that that would be a big mistake and thereafter regret of yours. And that's where I fill the space. I'm a mistake. Your mistake. I'm sorry this has to happen when you could be happier, in fact, everyone could have been. I wish you could collect your happy times in jars and swallow them so they would always be with you, by your side, in you, anywhere you could find solace. Thanks for teaching me so much, it's a pity I didn't grow up quite fast enough.
Genting. I'm pretty afriad of that place now, almost disliking it, too. Think it will be a long time befor my family actually gets there again. And that's where you had happier times there together too, probably one of the happiest in fact, which many people have, and that only heightens my dread of that place. I miss my grandmother, god. What if she got lost there? Will she find her way back? What really happens to people after they pass on? What happened. It was supposed to be a vacation, why did she die? She was supposed to be happy and enjoying and telling us all about it when she's back. All I have left now is a handful of things I should have done, almost regrets, more time we shouldve spent together, more words exchanged, and a bottle of almost finished handmade chilli which I loved but all that's left is a spoonful in the refridgerator and even if I had more now it wouldnt be the same. Yes, it is true that if you had treasured time with your loved ones there shouldnt and need not have to be grounds for regret when theyre gone. Yet it is precisely because it's your loved ones that contributes to the same reason -- how much time, how many words, how many times you've touched and cared just wouldn't be enough. Enough didn't suffice, what's gone is gone and now is just a little too late to realise that.
Here. Mummy's giving up of her career has made where me and my sister are today. Daddy's the only one working, I shouldnt and will not get tuition. I will study hard, because tuition is your parent's paying of time for you to study when I you can do it on your own. I will study hard. I can ask my friends and teachers who are more than willing to help when I need it. There is no room for compromise in this aspect. I am smart enough, and this is what mummy has done for me and my sister. The rest is up to us. And if I'm going to throw it all away, I am throwing away my parent's life as well. Rubbish, all that say your life is your own and you get to live it your way. Teenage rebellion is understandable but your life lies in your parents' life. Think of everything theyve done for you. Everything's a balance. You work, your kids grow up and you pay fees for tuition. You devote time to your children, they are smarter when they grow up and you don't have to pay those fees. Stop being stupid. Wake up your bloody idea and forget about geniuses and prodigies and shit. They practiced, no doubt with gift and talent. But they practiced, too. Because you are studying for yourself. Forget the better easier life you could have led of a slower pace if you were born in somewhere else. That would also mean you wouldnt have such a clean, safe, accessible place to live in without being randomnly shot. Stop whining about all that you havent got but open your eyes and see what youve got in your life without any of your own effort.
It's not me ignoring or becoming a weird person who is unfriendly. It's sad how people influence people but yea, I know what I will be influenced by and will stay away. Anything, anything at I will trade in to be that tad more focused in my studies. Face it, things arent just passing things, you'll think about things in the course of the day. Do anything to me. Os is Os and Os is your future and Os are here. 16 more weeks. 116 more days. Not funny. Jaslyn is Jaslyn and Jaslyn will be Jaslyn and this is Jaslyn over here *waves.
Funny how interaction is the last thing I would want yet contradictorily, the first thing I dont want to give up in my mind. Maybe there is really no such thing as friends, or pretending to be. One thing for sure you can never get back things the same way they are.
Okay, no more emotional fits. Nice clearance of the mind body and soul. Okay that just sounded bonkers. Tomorrow is brand new day! All is good. Things will find a way, don't worry! Don't fret don't fret, now, now, now.
"It seems only yesterday I used to believeFrom lit! I remember it B).
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine."
— Billy Collins
But now, as I fall on the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees.
I bleed.
Luv luv luv literature so much. A feeling lesson.