Something to prove, nothing to lose

Hello

2012-01-19T01:24:00.003+08:00

Being happy -- what came naturally to you now has to be reacquired. BECAUSE OF ME I AM SO SORRY

I can't post on tumblr I have too many friends there who do not know, or do not understand, and will question me and I get all shy and awkward haha

This is the key

2012-01-18T00:46:00.000+08:00

Forgive yourself

2011-12-25T12:25:00.002+08:00

saw a hugeass rainbow outside my bus window it's been so long since I've seen one (happy dance)

2011-12-14T18:48:00.003+08:00

Maybe I only have myself to blame all along, to keep things close when you can't have it. Which is selfish. And wrong. And misleading. And confusing. Mind over matter in this case, it's not even what I want! So what's gotten into me. Reminder to self not to commit actions which are just easy ways out of a situation, or to ease current emotions. Remember to consider others' feelings, that effects always have a cause and that boredom or the crave for instant gratification is never an acceptable excuse to mislead others.

I WISH YOU KNEW I WISH TO WISH TO KNOW WHAT YOU WISH

2011-12-09T00:07:00.006+08:00

Moments that catch you when you least expected are the best ones. Like Caleb caring for me even though he's a small boy and likes to piss me off. Like, I get really pissed!!

Missed smoochies at SIM damn. But I can't wait for 1-for-1 FILET O FISH OMG SO MANY FOOD DEALS NOW SO HAPPY. Starbucks and KFC and Macs but some are already over.

Soooooo tomorrow's finally ACID and I finally got 9 hours of sleep last night what a relief after the hectic handupallyourassignments&nosleep period.

I AM SO ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE WITH GOOD PHYSIQUE

In the end everything boils down to studies. It's where you get respect. And I want to be respected, to be good in something. KNOW THAT FEELING? I WANNA BE GOOD FOR SOMETHING.

How come it bothers me I feel like I'm not getting to people at school the way I got to people in Anderson? And it kind of bothers me how a close talk to someone or after watching a movie can affect immensely and make believe so fervently in thing. Which I will realise after a while that it's in my mind and isn't reality, it isn't me at all.

Pft

2011-12-07T05:11:00.003+08:00

Come Friday I will be hosting ACID's launch night (check it out guys abm having zocard adverts in vans and frolick and some places woohoo the pride) and my pimple marks are scarring my nose ):<

P.s. 5:14AM and I said I'll finish up my essays at, like, 10 hours ago dayum

I WANT YOU

2011-12-06T23:38:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm for nothing but my past cos the things I've seen and the images in my head and the things I know now are on the road of the grand endless unknown discovery for others out there so for that I'll never fit there beside them. Or be worthy to.

I meant the shoe YESSSSSS DA SHOEEEEEEEE I need shoes too

SO EXCITED

2011-12-06T23:10:00.003+08:00

CAN'T WAIT TO GET SO MUCH SLEEP TOMORROWWWWWWWWWWWW

Assignments will be done and
Left with ACID and
Left with Econs test which I will have 3 days to study for after ACID and

omg I just swept at a bug on my paper and it was so fragile it fragmented into pieces and died oh no what have I done I'm so sorry

as I was saying

and Econs test and
chalet with Tan + people
and picnic with andss volleyballers guess I can't make it for chalet nor bbq for ACID
and baking
and reading
maybe writing
maybe a new image and
I need more clothes
and OFF TO MALAYSIA OMG HOLIDAYS WHAT YES HOLIDAYS OMG SDKNFDKLWNVRKENGKLNERGKRDNEG

gonna shop and eat and sleep and exercise and read up on assignments and if possible find materials and meet group but I don't think that that is possible. Maybe I should make it an outing and set a trap and they turn up and we discuss for a bit and then go out. HAHA WHY AM I HAVING SUCH THOUGHTS. Okay anyway it has been a busy Sem but I understand my modules and they are ok to cope with so I hope the rest of the assignments will stay this way and my GPA can go up! I have hopes I must say and I hope that I won't disappoint myself. Oh a hope in a hope INCEPTION ok think I'm nuts got 1600-456=1144 more words to go for my essays and I'm off to my brighter tomorrow hahahahahahahahaha ok hahahahahahahaha

2011-12-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

I'm proud of my course, and I don't like outsiders to belittle us nor question our worth, especially as compared to arts schools. One day we'll make our mark and you doubtful people will look back and laugh at how foolish you were.

To Write Love On Her Arms

2011-12-02T01:03:00.001+08:00

She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful.

Gaba

2011-11-27T23:04:00.001+08:00

never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

2011-11-27T16:00:00.002+08:00

One of these days your magic won't affect me and your gaze won't make my bones weak

2011-11-23T23:44:00.003+08:00

1. I bought the wrong Jansport, its colour is wrong

2. My granny sunned her bolster and it dropped ten floors down and I went to pick it up and I felt like a homeless kid with a bolster at the void deck

3. Not good enough in touch rug

4. Not good enough in Acapella

5. Not good enough in arts

6. Need to compensate by being good in academics

7. Need to kick being lazy

8. Need to kick having the fear of failing to even try

9. Kick feeling worthless

10. What I can do like putting clothes together or having others like my preference or expert at mastering hairstyles and artandcrafts are useless

11. That I may be able to talk to anyone under the sun and mix with anyone and be a ball of friendliness but am an introvert inside

12. Feel like I stick out sometimes even though I seem to fit in anywhere

13. Difficult to start my work or push myself

14. Don't want my ability leading to practical actions leading to people thinking I am trying to shine

15. When I always can't get things right

16. That I don't open up much now because things have consequences, and people mar things when information dance from person to person

17. My mind is in a cloud

Some things can't be the same

2011-11-21T02:07:00.001+08:00

GUYS,

2011-11-21T01:28:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Pain is pain, connected by nerves to the brain

2011-11-21T00:59:00.002+08:00

What's the point of winning, playing with hands that dirty?
Play for passion, not for fame.
Some one save that maiden from distress

I was listening to Daddy watch a clip on animal testing. I was triggered to think that for every statement, even if it is an opinion, can be made true. Not just for animal testing, the crux is on experiments, hypotheses and theses. Using phrases like "it is found out that" and "research shows" makes me think that for everything researchers say, there is a basis. (Just like how I fluff my assignments ahaha) However, to what extent is that based on? Everyone will find reasons and grounds possible to support their hypothesis and quote them. Yes, things are tested. But for every statement that is made, its words are chosen carefully, every phrasing disallowed to expose a hint of veering from the point to be made across. All the points and other "research" done which frown upon the conclusion of the supposed outcome will not be included. Critical Omission.
So how do we tell the stars in the sky apart from their reflection in the lake? How do people see the truth

Time will reveal everything. Exposed, or not matter anymore. Wait. Buckle up and sit tight now, pretty young thing. Patience. You have so much to learn, flower.

I could wear a mask, and you would never know

2011-11-19T01:49:00.003+08:00

Daydreamer
Sitting on the sea
soaking up the sun
He is a real lover
Of making up the past and feeling up his girl
Like he's never felt her figure before

A jaw dropper
Looks good when he walks
He is the subject of their talk
He would be hard to chase
But good to catch
and he could change the world
With his hands behind his back, oh

Time will tell and in time things will smoother out

Fringe this year

2011-11-19T00:46:00.000+08:00

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods.”

-C.S. Lewis

Space Shuttle

2011-11-07T14:21:00.000+08:00

some take a month, some take a year

On the ball

2011-11-06T22:15:00.006+08:00

Nah, not me. I just like the phrase aha

Fav

2011-11-06T21:41:00.006+08:00

Every aching wound
will cauterize and bruise
in memory
of what
we used to call
in love

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life?
What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?

We came together but I left alone

left
you
there

Austerely

Wai ley

2011-11-06T02:54:00.002+08:00

Y U no my friend no more and no tell me wai. You know what I'm talking about.

:( MEH

Rampage

2011-10-25T00:09:00.001+08:00

Hello World, hope you're listening. Forgive me if I'm young, and speaking out of line.

On the bus

2011-09-08T07:56:00.002+08:00

It's a beautiful Thursday morning. Calm and peaceful, cooling and comfortable, the kind of Thursday in the holidays you'd never wanna get out of bed. I am so tired my eyes are bleary and I feel that the world is far to bright for me to take. Haven't had proper sleep and this holiday has been a busy one. I'm on my way to tcp empowerment camp. I've heard a lot of positive talk about it and I have good vibes. I'm hoping it will change my weary perspectives clouded with gloom.
It's funny how something you did and would rather you haven't doesn't just make you reproach yourself in that moment but clings on to you like a plague, one that won't go away. It's such a disdain that we've all been silly and done stupid things that we don't know will be our future cause of regret. It's funny how the human beings of today are actually creatures who self-inflict bitterness and reflect it ever so blatantly without noticing it themselves. It's funny, how we concentrate on pain and refuse to let go of horrible incidents but do not keep tabs on the happier things which could make life so much more fufilling. It's funny how we can remember negative things vividly but positive things, just fragments of it. We're chasing cheer away as though it's something we don't want to keep yet it's what we are all looking for. It's funny how one bad thing needs ten, twenty, probably fifty good things to make up for it. That, and negativity still may not be outweighed.
Why do we always wonder how things may have turned out the other way?

Fear of Writing
We are capable of splitting hairs even angels find too thin to dance on.
Rationalisation is powerful self-mechanism.

Le Sigh

2011-09-03T01:12:00.003+08:00

Some things are really out of one's control. It's like you can try all you want to know about it, or avoid it. Really if you can't do anything about it, try as you may, things that will happen, happens.

Cool things go together I'll just stand out of the circle and draw circles HAHA

How come people who don't give a shit always > people who give a damn.
Isn't it unfair how we zoom in into the bad things, that we care about who can't care less than those who actually do care? It's difficult to see the good things, isn't it.

Need more books to immerse in to have hope.

Message in a Bottle

2011-08-24T17:20:00.001+08:00

"Nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy, remember that."

One Happy Foot

2011-08-23T18:24:00.004+08:00

Better

2011-08-22T23:22:00.001+08:00

We keep making mistakes but we become better people. For our whole life we'd probably never get to be the person we wanted to be, or thought we'd become. But we become better. We try to do what's right, try to draw the fine line between what's right and what's wrong. But those, too, are grey areas and places shrouded with uncertainty, for right and wrong is a matter of perception. Along the way, we're in pieces, but we're better.

Dirt

2011-08-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

A pathetic excuse for a lady

candescent

2011-08-22T20:37:00.001+08:00

Never judge, people say. I know why now. Everyone has their reasons for doing things. We know names, not stories.

How have things turned out this way

2011-08-22T16:27:00.000+08:00

It's like I am not living up to my expectations. It's like you grow up and the world turns so ugly.

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones

2011-08-22T00:09:00.002+08:00

You know I'll stay up, with you all night.

I hate butterflies in my stomach, that feeling. It's like I want none of it for the moment. Nothing to do with butterflies for that matter.

I'm lost. Help.

2011-08-02T15:14:00.002+08:00

You can't get anymore messed up than me,
I can't get anymore messed up than this.

What am I doing to people around me

I need a break from all these
this whirlwind of emotions

it is destructive

It's me, it's my inability

2011-07-24T17:20:00.002+08:00

Sorry

Be strong now, because things will get better.

It may be stormy now, but it will not rain forever.
To better days, X

It's okay not to be okay

2011-07-23T12:33:00.001+08:00

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are.

):

2011-07-20T17:48:00.000+08:00

Straighten up little soldier

2011-07-19T00:45:00.002+08:00

How am I supposed to feel when my mummy tells me I'm headed the wrong way, which I believed in so much for close to 2 years now. That I have to see the subtle nuances of a person and wait till people get older, probably of working age. Good times are what hold things together, bad times are what breaks things apart. Although I'm confused and not sure if anything at all is what I really want, it hurts to hear decisions you've made were probably not the best. How do you let it all drift away all? Something which holds meaning to you, which you fervently believed in even for a while, the good times.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

A hungry girl is an angsty girl.

2011-07-18T20:38:00.007+08:00

Jayesslee!!!!!! Gig at TAB sometime ago. Credits to Yin Shuang!

Ikea's storeroom of Yummy Food:

There is no nice way to put some things isn't it. Both ends people will be hurt, both the person who is at the receiving and the delivering end. I'm just gonna sit and wait cause I don't want to make any wrong decisions which I may come to regret in time.

I like the night sky. It's so peaceful like everything is at rest and is a closure to the day. There are stars those shiny things in the sky. I love stars. And when it drizzles, the light breeze, the purple sky, when you look up and drops of rain are shooting down, when the floor is wet and when you taste the rain. I have this silly thought every time it rains, especially during the year ends, that we're like New York or Boston or something and it's so chilly and peaceful and comfortable.

ABM OMG

2011-07-15T03:15:00.000+08:00

I am afraid of how current actions will affect future consequences

2011-07-12T01:11:00.000+08:00

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Concrete jungles where dreams are made

2011-07-12T00:49:00.003+08:00

That amazing feeling when someone has the same

dreams as you, and you find out, and you rave

about it together

Say Hello to Goodbye

2011-07-10T12:57:00.002+08:00

Thinking back feels weird.

What you had done, decisions you made.

It's like being start in this time warp on your own and the things that swirl around us are our thoughts and recollections. Like post Os when we were all aimless. We could also meet our friends whenever we wanted. Outings, sleepovers, you name it. We floated in a sea of uncertainty and our future was a grey blur of mystery. We were just living. Some worked, some did nothing. I'm certain during that period with time on our hands, we thought alot. And when the future descends upon us, the times we look back on will include the times we immersed in our own mind.

Now everyone has their own routine and it is close to impossible to hold things close to you.

Stay rooted, faith will guide us. (: believe believe believe

tangles

2011-07-07T14:08:00.002+08:00

MY HAIR USED TO BE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHY DID I CUT IT.

Meh.

This bunny says "Meh" doesn't it? Just look at it.

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ASLEEP I NEED TO GET THIS OUT

2011-07-07T02:57:00.002+08:00

hi all, i will not be able to join you for this sunday's concert as my father has just passed away. Please still attend the concert. I will see you all next week. Thank for your understanding. Dr Sam.

): How am I supposed to react to this. I mean I could offer a hug but this is online man I can't go all *hug and stuff wth

The Lost Thing

2011-07-06T23:59:00.003+08:00

So you wanna hear a story? Well, I used to know a whole lot of pretty interesting ones, some of them so funny you've laugh yourself unconscious. Others, so terrible you never wanna repeat them. But now I can't remember any of those.

As the hours slouched by, it seemed less and less likely that anyone was coming to take the thing home. Soon, there was no denying the unhappy truth. It was lost.

Vignettes

2011-07-03T12:18:00.003+08:00

Memories are your take on a situation that had passed. What you remember becomes what has passed. Not all that nostalgia, reminiscing shit.

el‧lip‧sis plural ellipses technical
1 [uncountable and countable] when words are deliberately left out of a sentence, though the meaning can still be understood. For example, you may say 'He's leaving but I'm not' instead of saying 'He's leaving but I'm not leaving.'

German Expressionism

2011-07-03T11:37:00.004+08:00

We crossed long, high-vaulted corridors; the wavering light borne by Franz threw a strange brilliance in the thickness of the gloom. The vague forms of the colored capitals, pillars and arches seemed suspended here and there in the air. Our shadows moved forward at our side like grim giants and on the walls the fantastic images over which they slipped trembled and flickered...

ETA Hoffmann, Das Majorat

There were slogans painted on the walls:
Insolent mockery of the Divine under Centrist rule
Madness becomes method
Nature as seen by sick minds

Expressionist: Release to emotionally charged messages

CHERIE TAN. MY FRIEND. CUTE. UNCANNY TO POOH.

2011-06-29T00:00:00.001+08:00

Just close your eyes

2011-06-28T22:13:00.003+08:00

Rewind and after afterall everyone just goes back to wanting the same thing -- to be happy! So just be happy throw the rest away -- your fears, your insecurities, other's views, what's happening or not happening to you and live. The things that will come, will come the people who will stay, will stay. So don't fret, throw it all back and live life your way. (Oh, I could be a poet)

Love everyone Embrace diversity

"The future belongs to those who are willing to get their hands dirty."

Gets me down sometimes

2011-06-27T21:57:00.005+08:00

I am sad that my good friend is not the happy kind. Yes I can laugh with her but she isn't happy. When I got to know her she was sad, very, very sad at that and it has been this way since. You know how when people get really down in the dumps no matter how happy they are they can't be really happy but just ok happy, happy? I don't know if I am over thinking but it gets me down and I hate this feeling of how you wish to save some one all the pain but really all you are is helpless and you can't do a thing. I fervently pray some times, really, really hard that some sort of magic would work itself to her and she'd be happy like I've never seen her before. Literally too, since she was happy before I knew her. I hate the "I wish I could save you all this pain" feeling I hope magic would do what it ought to do on everyone.

As I'm drifting away from everyone, everything seems superficial and distant. Like how close you once were, was it real? And my friends' favourite colours, food, all the little things I knew like the back of my hand -- did they change? Do I still know them now? Feels like I'm trying really hard to grab waves but the water just runs incessantly through my fingers.

Here's the old me rambling about the same old relationships are troublesome and requires commitment and messy and stuff bla bla. I don't know if I am stubborn and don't wanna change this thinking or have I already changed this viewpoint but don't want to believe in it. I am so damn comfortable now though in this aspect of life. Life is like, effortless over here! Maybe my mental mindset has moved to a sunnier island! Adina was telling me today how I am young and shouldn't put make up and how I shouldn't get into a relationship cos I'm still young and people may get hurt and Cherie was telling me her senior told her first year is for looking around adjusting and adapting to the changed environment in school I think Abby mentioned this too and Wayne was saying how today it is so easy to spot whether people are attached just by looking at Facebook but what if people like things private and others just don't take photos and etc. But this is not the issue the issue is What if I feel something and say out my thoughts aloud and then when time passes, like, ten years later or maybe even a month or week, my viewpoint changes and people think I'm lying and judge me. I hate this same old "other people's views" topic. It bugs me all the time and never goes away man I swear. I bet it bugs everyone once in a while, it's like a plague. You can say all you want how it's what others say and not the truth and the cliched Those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care but come on who are we trying to kid? Words bother people and and people judge and people get affected. The cycle repeats. Soundtrack of the stormy life.

Anyway I had my chicken spud today, the super rare and easily sold out baked potato sheperd pie with corn and chicken bits in it woohoo
AND
I went to check out Blackberries Daddy brought me so stoked! Data plan 1GB $40 a month. Iphone and Android has like 12GB a month ha but the dude told me thats because BB files are compressed i.e. take up less space! And being budget because I am, the models that I choose are old and hence cheaper. Curve $148, Bold $98.

BUT

Curve 9330

Reflective piece (which I don't like but vass told me it can be replaced)
And it is possible to get Cath Kidston covers hehe
Island keypads (which look nice on laptop but pretty weird on a phone)
Camera

Bold 9000

No camera (but I got digi and 2 toy cams which pearl got)
Sexy leather back
Classic Berry ball (but only older versions have which means this is ancient)
No covers to be bought outside cos it's too old sigh
like obsoleting sian so olddddddd

In conclusion, I really wanted a bold but seems like I am swaying to the curve side cos it's newer. Then again I like classics and have no use for the camera phone I don't even take pics with phone cam man and the ball is cute isn't it ha

My parents are watching some horror film yet I can't join in cos I have to
1. pack my bag and
2. do my work due tomorrow and
3. bathe
cos I'm lazy like that.

I didn't get the scholarship I was so bummed cos I didn't even get through first round when I thought I answered very eloquently ha ha ha ok la so I was bummed then my daddy told me it's fine just take it as some one who needed it more took it I feel comforted but I also need what. Should've gone to sister's course teaching children they got like 20x more scholarships than us new course with small market some more only got 1 scholarship and it's school's one. Meh. External organisations offer more for the scholarships you see. I have to achieve more I am so lazy and underachieved ok.

I can go on forever man it's the time of the night when people like to talk alot and I have so much to say about friends and future and my life journey which I feel rather unaccomplished and a tad bleak about currently. Ok stop.

My mummy told me when I was young,

2011-06-27T19:54:00.001+08:00

We were all born superstars.

We were. Our sparks died out. Our magic faded.

I CAN CHANGE MY PHONE NOW

2011-06-25T22:07:00.001+08:00

I W A N T T H I S .

Can we play pretend

2011-06-20T23:43:00.008+08:00

Open your eyes to what is true. Remember, and stand by it. Truths are buried so unrest will be kept at bay. After all, right and wrong is a thin line, a blurry one at that. What is the point really, all that people hurting other people? How do you hold close what you have that's good and dispose of things at the back of your mind. What people made you feel, how do you forget that. How.

Meeting 6A made me really happy and emotional, a bit. Feels pretty weird we all knew each other as kids and now, gentlemen and ladies. We roughly know each other's school but I look at people and think of what they've been through, what they've done in the 4 years we rarely met and what's been in and out of everyone's lives. How proud they felt when they topped the class, how crushed they were the first break up, how stressed they were during exams. Did I feel the same? It's difficult for people to stay close, could I have been there, could we have been there for each other. But people always feel close when they're physically close and far a part when they don't meet. So weird I wanna hug everyone I know now hehe

I FORGOT MY SPORTS SHOES WHEN I WENT TO GYM LIFE IS OVER.

I have this obsession with feathers of late.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W. H. Auden

Running to you like a happy little girl. That.

Fallacy , Falsity

2011-06-15T02:05:00.007+08:00

The day Aaron tattooed and pierced and yn pierced and jdyn pierced and yn and I decided to extend.

Anderson is as awesome as ever.

That belongs to your world, not mine.

Superficiality sucks. Humans cannot reply on people.

Why am I perturbed by such things at times.
I am gonna extend and get plugs and get more film for my cam and get soccer boots for touch.

Cloying lingers I enjoy:
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Read this last time.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Watched this last night.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

Clementine: Hi, I'm Clementine, can I have a piece of chicken?
Joel: Then you just took it. It was so intimate. It was like we were already lovers.

Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire trying to outrun my humiliation, I think.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah. You said "So go"... with such disdain, ya' know?

Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.

Joel: Are we like couples you see in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?

Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks.

Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.

Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.

S o t h e r e, g'night

If I'm lost, will I find my way?

2011-06-13T22:40:00.003+08:00

Sometime back,

The key is in being happy, we are all gonna be very happy people

2011-06-13T22:26:00.003+08:00

And of course there's mummy, who isn't in the pictures over here. I felt alot about treasuring, not only material things but family from a dear friend. Thank you for your lesson on life.

Please just take me in

2011-05-31T23:39:00.002+08:00

Nothing feels right Nothing is right

2011-05-29T18:04:00.000+08:00

WHY I CUT MY HAIR WHY I NOT SKINNY WHY I NOT TALENTED WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

PUP SHO KYUTE

2011-05-22T03:49:00.001+08:00

A PUPPY IS A BABY DOG.

THIS BOY MADE AN EMOTICON OF HIMSELF HAHAHAHAHHA

2011-05-22T01:58:00.002+08:00

I cut short and Wayne got a short botakish mohawk cus he thought I shaved HAHAHAH WWWMohawk. Can't wait for Monday. The excitement over so I set short hair on msn and fb alr! Haha

Pictures incoming!

2011-05-21T03:18:00.007+08:00

Hi my table alot of ants I am thoroughly annoyed. I am gonna pack everything and get to the root of the problem and rid 'em all! My table doesn't usually have that many ants.
Wah my abs damn pain now I know where the touch rug seniors get their rock hard abs I did mild pt damn pain already serious ouch
I really wanna set my short hair as dp on msn and fb but I wanna surprise np friends on monday ley *resist resist
Okay gon bathe and eat and sleep, musper logbook and ppt to do tmr and night at esplanade to watch As It Fades with 3 abm people hahahahahah We are called Secret Underground Abmers on facebook it's really cool damn united and discussing to make hoodies and submitting designs and all already woohoo If you've noticed, you can call us SUA in short. Which is in dialect, forget it in a cool way
DAMN HUNGRY AND WARM UNBATHED AND TIRED THINKING ABOUT WORK TO DO TMRW

G'night x

BEFORE

AFTER

Okay someone tagged me on fb damn funny hahahahhahhahaha look at me, bottom right

MY BIRTHDAY THAT DAY (please look at 2nd 3rd 4th HAHAHHAHAH)

Just put the damn insecurities aside, live your life, live it up

2011-05-21T01:16:00.003+08:00

I REALLY WANNA POST MY BIRTHDAY PICS BUT I WANNA POST MY SHORT HAIR PICS EVEN MORE OMG I THREADED MY BROWS TODAY DAMN PAIN BUT BEAUTIFUL AND I CHOPPED MY NICE LONG FLOWY DYED PERMED HAIR INTO A COOL SHORT HAIR CANT WAIT TO SEE EVERYONE'S REACTIONS AND WEBCAM MY FRIENDS ON MSN WOOHOO.
I WANNA VISIT ANDSS AND VOLLEYBALL AND SHAH @ TUITION AND GO BACK AND TEACH JUNIORS LIKE CLAIRE ALL LIKE KEEN FOR ME TO TEACH SO HAPPY LEY AND INVITE MORE PEOPLE TO JOIN SHAHS TUITION COS IT'S DAMN GOOD OMG.
I BUY CHEAP NICE THINGS I LOVE MY STYLE HAHAHAHAHAHHA
JENNY TOOK ME TO SKINNY PIZZA AND COFFEE CLUB TODAY THEN I SHOP DAMN HAPPY AND CUT MY HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AND THREAD MY BROWS K I NEED TO SHUT UP REALLY DAMN EXCITED TO SEE REACTIONS

LUV Y'ALL SCHOOL REOPENING FROM ELEARNING OMG G'NIGHT

Please help me like and like the stuff inside which interests you, thankyou (':

2011-05-17T12:33:00.000+08:00

Art Attack

Promote Your Page Too

2011-05-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

You'll regret when you're older, they say.
No. I am only young once, I did stupid stuff, I lived free.

Sometimes the stars in her sky hold against the rain

2011-05-16T16:25:00.002+08:00

She's got white lights on her face
From the bad days
That she just can't erase
And her sad eyes are replaced
With the new life in a beautiful place

HI I NEED TO GET A GRIP. I am suddenly overwhelmed by what I am doing. I always get this when I am at home for too long a period of time I cannot stay in an enclosed place with my tasks I'll just think I'll be stuck with 'em forever and it drives me crazy.
Am I really gonna do art for life omg I think the grass is always greener on the other side and how can I be so sure one moment and then not at all the next? I should feel blessed that what I am doing is one of my interests.
I feel lacking. Like I don't know enough and don't have enough background and everything is just unmanageable and too much to take.

P.s. Had a great birthday, I felt so special (: Pictures next time (Maybe 100000 years later)

Sweet people

2011-05-10T22:52:00.006+08:00

DADDY CAME HOME WITH A CAKE AWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Yay ate at Clementi Swensen's today with the Dave who came down from school awwwww. Have the same bag in a different style and the same laptop case in a different style by coincidence. So weird. I swear I bought everything first. Okay not the laptop case but still, I am cooler. I am so tireddddddd. We are both tiredddddd. School is draining.

Tomorrow's gonna be awesome!!!

P.s. See the 4th photo fill he fill my cup until like that!!

Wo de birthday yao lai liao

2011-05-10T02:22:00.005+08:00

Hi I think I posted this before hahahahahhahaha this is during orientation @ Botanic Gardens.

My jie jie gave me this. hehehehhehhehehe I got film toy robot cam now yay. Mummy Daddy gave me angpow pew pew pewszx. Happy girl 94 is gonna meet Dave tmrw and Charmaine (I'd bet Obsessio too hahahahah) on Wed. Wed first day of Acapella and Thur second day of Touch Rugby. I have a holistic education B) OKAY I JUST ACTING SMART. WALAO WHY MY GROMMET TOMS HAVENT COME YET ANGRY. TOMMYS COME TO ME PLS PLS PLS.

OMAR IF YOU READING THIS. WE CAN GO POOL NOW I'M KINDA GOOD ALREADY HAHAHAHA. I'm not bias, I'm forced by circumstances to learn. You know I love you Andersonians. (:

I am too easily amused. And my standards for cool and cute and pretty are too low, according to people around me. THINGS ARE ATTRACTIVE TO ME, CANNOT?

Wo hen kai xin ke shi wo hen lei le. Wan an!!!

've been busy

2011-05-10T02:12:00.002+08:00

Wow school has been reeeeeeeally hectic with cca and projects and everything. I guess everyone's in the process of adapting and understanding our new surroundings as well as the school system! I just finished my written communications write up which is overdue BUT FEAR NOT FOR IT IS UNGRADED.

1. I am really happy to meet a buncho Andersonians today even though I may not know some of them very well. And even though it may be a little out of place, it feels like Anderson again. It feels good. It feels familiar. ANDERSONIANS ALWAYS RISE TO THE OCCASION. Okay idk how our school spirit is built up but it's really strong and I like it.

2. I learn not to judge people in poly. People are really subjective to environment and people around them but most importantly, personal will. It is astounding how far this thing that stems inside of people can bring them far. And I like that, people surprising me, not being what I used to think of them.

PHOTOBOMB @ CHANGI

2011-04-24T15:57:00.016+08:00

GLAM NIGHT

2011-04-24T02:24:00.003+08:00

Hi this is from orientation, we look so cute in our sports and wellness tee, like kindergarteners wearing the same uniform hehe

Life's not always rainbows and butterflies

2011-04-24T01:57:00.005+08:00

Photos from Speech day posted cos Idw them to be lost memories.

Nowadays it's really great cos I have higher quality photos from friends' dslrs and I don't have to bring a cam or upload 'em but I can take photos and camwhore and not have to store 'em in my comp, just the ones I like and choose selectively, and my friends upload like super fast and they've got dslrs and polaroids and everything I feel like I am gaining so much hahahahah I am cheapo. Cheapo is cool, save money and time hehe

Today is awesomeeeeeeeeee, although only vass and sw and char and me from obsessio went to catequil outing, we enjoyed ourselves and bonded so much with the other groups, and I made new friends again. Pantheon, the never ending family. And today is one of the most fun days! Our photo bomb is really incomparable to any other events man. Polaroids aside, 3 dslrs are used, 1 dslr filled up 3 albums, the other 4 and the last one idk, all in fb. WE ARE MAD HAPPY HAHAHAHAHA.

I love to talk alot.

With no link to the above, I learn that I gotta lower my expectations sometimes.
I know sometimes it's hard. Different people want different things, see things in different lights and draw different expectations from the same thing altogether. But above all, doesn't everyone wanna sleep happy at night, without having to reflect about saddening events and how things could have been better by your own effort that very day? We could make days better with effort. Compromise. Not letting pride get over your head.

Later, more photos on Glam night and today's outing at Changi!!!!!!!

I second that

2011-04-23T01:16:00.002+08:00

I second char that having camp group obsessio and friends made from foc is like having a family, like having a group to lean back on, like having somewhere you won't feel out of place, like having people who will be there for you no matter what.

Yes, it's only been a month but with some people it's like you've been acquainted since forever. That special.

By the time that we get through, this world will never ever be the same, and you're to blame

2011-04-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

ABM IS COOL

2011-04-22T20:44:00.002+08:00

Hello, I've just met my course and classmates yesterday, and sleeping and sleeping ever since. I keep drifting in and out of sleep, gosh orientation's so tiring. Arts Business people are waaaaaaaaaaay cool, people do music and dance and are artsy fartsy. Everyone sees a poster on say, an exhibition or something and everyone's excited.

Above that, best thing is everyone's nice. Maybe it's just that everyone knows each other, but I can sense it. It's gonna be great. People are genuine and it's really assuring to be able to feel that. It's quite a good course, so I realise no need to worry about group work! I was worrying and feeling conscious about my sorethroat hoarse voice and my course mates said they liked it. Such dears. (Oh there's a hot girl and a cute guy too hehe)

That aside, I'm so glad I'm interested in my course and it's something I'm new to, but enjoy doing. We went to the esplanade and had a tour of the concert halls, and went to the art science museum. It's a privilege to be able to explore such a new landmark of Singapore, and the interactive place shows how science and art are interdependent. Actually, many things are interdependent, isn't it? The world is a big chain it's a matter of connections. The music, graphics, lighting and vast spaces of the place and the design of the different halls makes it an experience. I realise most artists lead really melancholic and tragic lives, and it's sad to think about it. Vincent van Gogh's for the art science museum.

Strangers, again

2011-04-22T20:33:00.003+08:00

http://youtu.be/tSdELZxEnHY

"Being comfortable isn't bad, it's when we can truly be ourselves. Some use it positively, continuing to work at their relationship, and grow it together, and others allow it to create distance. For Marissa and I, we just took each other for granted. Whether it's taking each other for granted or people changing over time, the bottom line is, someone stops trying."

Indeed it's swallowing me whole

2011-04-20T00:56:00.003+08:00

I'm glad no stones are left unturned and whatever belongs to the past stays in the past. It feels great, having a closure to things. New life, new challenges. Poly life for orientation has been exciting and fun and extremely wearing but the real stuff has yet to come.

2011-04-17T00:35:00.003+08:00

I should learn how to stop putting the blame on others when things gets over the top for everyone. A lesson learnt. I am brave to own up to my mistakes! (I think) And admit fault on my part for something years ago. Kudooooooooz. Okay really tired gonna head to bed. Bye!

We would have the life we knew we would,

2011-04-15T23:00:00.003+08:00

MY JELLY HEARTS WERE A SUCCESS All the people said it's pretty/delicious/loved it. Volleyball girls had the privilege to eat two each!

Anderson, the most familiar place. Feels good to go back and see all the people who have been through 4 years with you too. People said Ilook black/sick/I like your hair/I like your hair colour/hot/sexy cos of my black attire but really I felt uncomfortable and out of place and sick and warm and haiya. At least everyone got their jellyhearts and I passed jiayi her textbook and I hugged jolly and I took photo with volleyballers and I saw khoon and rah and people appreciated my jellyhearts even those I don't really know really well and I saw some teachers and all my friends.

I think I drifted with my friends. I suck at keeping people close. I think I should put in more effort on my part.

WE ARE COOL.

I need to wake up at 515 leave at 545 and reach amk at 630 and yishun at 7 tmrw and I am sick KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

MY WACKY FRIENDS

2011-04-15T00:16:00.003+08:00

Look at their epic facial expressions and bodily presentations

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY IDK WHY SO FUNNY BUT THE PICS AND CONVOS ON FACEBOOK MAKING ME FLIP. It's really a blessing to be balloted to get through foc, if not I'd be friendless and everything on the first day of school. Now I have this circle of friends who are like family of all ages races sizes. I'm so glad.

Anyway kids these days are getting reeeeeeeeally smart. There was a boy about 6 behind me in the bus talking to his mum, who also sounds clever. He is so going to RI. I couldn't wait for him to alight so I could see how they looked like. It went something like this --
Mom "In the ancient times people carved in rocks, then on skin then Chinese invented paper and then the brush and gradually came the pen."
Boy "While the Chinese were doing that, what about the Americans and Europeans?"
(Wth how does he know all these countries and the difference how could he think what others were inventing I only knew my Geography in secondary school)
Mom "The ancient Chinese are smart arent they, smarter than the Americans and Europeans?"
Boy "But the Americans invented the iPhone and the iPad!"
(Wth how did he know this!? Kids these days just toy with the gadgets)
Mom "Yup, but the Chinese invented things 1000 over years ago!"
Boy "The Americans and Europeans are smart too! But they have to buck up!!"
(Wth he debate and knows how to balance up things and be unbias)

TO RI HE GOES.

Sentosa + Chalet

2011-04-14T02:45:00.006+08:00

I'm so hipster bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-11T15:23:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Going to Anderson so happy hehe to collect testimonial why can't we collect on speech day man. And then home to apply for scholarship online I need the money meh and then pack and off to obsessio chalet! So many people aren't turning up pft Gonna get even more broke. Oh well, it'd be fun!

2011-04-11T03:54:00.000+08:00

CHARMAINE'S LEGAL

2011-04-09T04:42:00.006+08:00

These days have been good. Occupied with outings, exhausted when home. Which means things are going to become bad, because good times never last, but neither do bad times, ain't it! Once you get used to the cycle, bad times are pretty alright. Spending alot of time with campies and neglecting others a fair bit. But oh well I'll learn to balance up in time and c'mon it's obsessio hehehe oh the cheesecake failed because the jelly melted and the biscuit and butter base wasn't sticky enough such a disappointment. Looking on the brighter side, the card is amazing. Looking forward to hit the beach with these guys and the entire camp (Pantheon) later on oh shit I have to get up in 2 hours time. I got sorethroat I need rest. Meh. I QUIT MY JOB NO WORK ANYMORE YAYYYYYYYYYY. HELLO BROKE ME. My pockets have got holes.

2011-04-04T04:49:00.001+08:00

That sick feeling you know you hurt someone. And at times, those deep nights, you think about it and it hurts you right back .It's like you can feel what the person is feeling.

WJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWJWWJWJW

2011-04-04T03:34:00.004+08:00

Too materialistic, too caught up with what is ongoing but never stopping to see what is really before me. Revisiting previous bad feelings brought up the young side of myself of the past. The real one. The one who could put in all her heart in something, the one who never second guessed, the one who did things fearlessly, regardless of situation or surroundings, the one who could be bought over by simple gestures, simple things.

I'm so sorry

2011-04-04T02:56:00.000+08:00

Put your mind to ease

2011-04-04T00:21:00.003+08:00

Man, how many times do conversations have to come to an abrupt stops!? On the other hand, my connection keeps getting cut off when my mum turns off the internet connection, always unable to connect immediately must restart and then the windows closed are forgotten @#!#$%

GET OFF MY BACK I LIVE TO PLEASE NO ONE. Insecurities can drive people nuts man, serious shit. It's all pretty dumb when you look back at it. Think about it. (Thanks Ul)

How much we save, in fact whatever we do, are matters of perception of different people. I don't save because my opinion is before school starts, is when you have time to enjoy and buy whatever you like. Enjoyment short term but you have your goods. Others save so as to have long term enjoyment with an assurance in their pockets and cash to buy something damn expensive in the future. Meh.

I hate how when something goes wrong all the bad memories come flushing down on me like some bigass avalanche. Makes me rethink times, feel bad feelings all over again, pool all the insecurities and hurt and fear together to build some monster of a wall to guard against people and things I shouldn't. This is bad, inflicting what was an experience to you on other people who have never felt that way or done anything wrong to me, translating all the bad on the innocent. I don't mean to hurt others. How many times must I go over this? I should open up my mind. Maybe peer in it and cleanse all the rubbish out of it, little brain.

I hope you had the time of your life

2011-03-29T23:36:00.003+08:00

Amazing camp, npsu foc 2011 Pantheon, Catequil, Obsessio!

HAHAHAHHAHA KILL 'EM

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them What are words if they're only for good times then they're gone

2011-03-21T01:39:00.004+08:00

Can't take this song, it's so beautifully sad. Makes me think of how I am treating people around me, just doing everything to suit myself and make myself feel sufficient. Make myself feel good, how I cast aside fears and messed up thoughts of my own only to sacrifice another persons'. And just in that moment of folly, how that would turn into you'd come to regret, that knots me up in the stomach.

It's really horrible how anger, jealousy, greed, all these feelings in Pandora's box, cliched as they may seem, can put someone into such a wreck. In that moment, you can forsake friendship, trust, belief for things that you feel are unjustly snatched away from you.

I don't want to give up on or lose things and people in this manner. It's really not worth it.

-

No need for lies or explanations. I know what you mean. I know what you want. From me, and me only. No in the exclusive way, but in a way you can't get from others and in a way that no one knows. The way dirty linen works.

What really defines a fault? Is is something socially unaccepted or what others perceive you to be? And if you've done something wrong, what's the right thing to do? Tell everyone, is that considered shame or coming clean, washing off your sins? Is is keeping it in for yourself to know and not letting it on a soul and not doing it again, and if you do do it again, are you at fault? Are you at fault for going against your principles or not simply because no one knows? And if you stop doing it nothing is really different so if you stop it are you really salvaging anything? But a fault is a fault and there isn't sch a thing as undoing it. Do you keep it in and kill yourself bit by bit inside of you silently or spill the beans and risk a reputation and a person's trust? And then there's always that bit to keep going at it for forbidden fruit is the sweetest and nothing is clear and that it'll always be in the dark if no one lets the cat out of the bag and that people are easy and that with experience comes familiarity. I don't think I will wash myself clean, I'm staying away at my best. Abstinence, they say. Moral grey areas wash over people. Logic makes no sense.

Go back to the past, haunting days.

2011-03-03T04:19:00.013+08:00

YOU HAD ME AT HELLO.

It's weird

2011-03-03T04:05:00.003+08:00

How when people say sorry the thing doesn't matter anymore but if they didn't say it you'll be really mad
How when you get dumped and when you are the dumper and the result is the same but you don't feel as sad
How one night can change everything, you turn around and everything is just different

how do you let go of what you let in

2011-03-03T03:15:00.004+08:00

F A C E B O O K X I A L A N

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.

I love lit But I don't have lit in poly. ):

Let's face the fact that we don't really mean much to people as they mean to us, and we don't value other people for how much they value us either. It's funny how all these random thoughts throughout the day string together in my dreams. A thought here, a memory there, a fleeting sight I caught. (HIMYM: This moment is fleeting because it is chased by another moment HAHAHAHAH) I want to throw everything away poly life please come swallow me whole thanks x

How I met your mother is funny but I don't laugh much watching it after the first season/alone. I like how they can be so open and frank to each other and everything's still cool and they way they converse and bring thoughts across to each other. I don't like how they perceive everything the people in the clique do to be okay even though some things they do are blatantly wrong. Why hasn't Barney gotten an STD?

With time,

2011-03-01T02:30:00.002+08:00

things will fade away. Things you put alot of feelings and effort into will be nothing in your life in the future. So don't mull over things, it's just gonna be pieces of the past. Funny how people and connections works, though. Humans are one of the most horribly complicated things on Earth.

How can you expect people by your side when you don't want them in your life.

Gah I can't wait for poly to start. You guys are driving me nuts.

I MISS MY PULLOVER ):

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through
You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and you're sick need to give love and take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can
your dark twisted games You are an expert at "sorry" And keeping lines blurry
But I took your matches before fire could catch me
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town

Welcome to my silly life

2011-02-25T00:59:00.004+08:00

Things that you take lightly, don't have the power to affect you. That way things cannot hurt you.

-

Things people all know are wrong, but do anyway. What are we easing?

2011-02-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less then, fuckin' perfect

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes

would life be easier if

2011-02-24T01:52:00.000+08:00

what if everyone stopped caring about anything one day

countless times you said youre done with caring

2011-02-24T00:55:00.005+08:00

I wish the entire Libya episode would cease. It's really horrible, just looking at the bullets. "They wouldn't let families claim bodies unless they sign an agreement their family died in surgery." That's so unjust, then again, we live in an unfair world.

Please let me have someone who is cool, doesn't play dota, is athletic, dresses up, is a gentleman and likes to go places. Thanks. HAHA

I don't like how people judge when they don't even know the other person well, or aren't even the one firsthand in the situation. The way people use every opportunity they have to point fingers, drown others in their unreasonable ramble. People change, though. It's good to always believe, and have faith in people because even though things may be ugly, things are ever-changing too. Like how good times never really last, so do bad things. If everyone stays in the past, the people who want to change will never be able to walk out of their shadows. Yet, it's pretty unpleasant to see how your efforts and hopes put on others are compromised for them abandoning themselves. Because you don't matter, because you are insignificant, because they are too absorbed in their pain to care what's ahead. But you don't want them to miss out on anything. You want the people you care for to be able to enjoy the enjoyment you are able to bask in which you know is crucial with personal effort. No amount of help rendered would really reach your friend and it is up to them to save themselves.

Yet, as you loosen your grip for loss of faith or negligence, even because you are caught up with yourself, they sink and sink and the quicksand of rapid resignation swallow your friends. They are gone. Coated with despair, their weak shattered souls give in. Give in to fate, (but word has it that you can build your own fate) give in to endless sleepless nights, give in to a whirlpool of sad love songs. How it irks you, but you can't change things one bit. Things only keep going wrong.

How can a person change so much for another, or morph into ways of another after certain interactions. How, when the person is gone, what you once found inacceptable as acceptable and throw yourself into it. Was it to prove you are good enough too, or to demonstrate the same level of frequency in desperation of getting back something you never would have again?

Or maybe because right now you are nothing more than a lost kite caught in a hurricane and you are an empty shell just swaying with the wind

2011-02-14T23:44:00.001+08:00

fly your head rose. you can't fly. you are human.

Dope and stoke

2011-02-14T23:19:00.002+08:00

I wanted to post this long, thoughtful, emotion-evoking post for Valentine's Day, but Titanic's on Channel 5, HOW CAN I NOT WATCH TITANIC, my whole family watches it everytime it's on. And my emotions came and left so HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA TITANIC. Maybe I'll feel more later, then post HAHA Maybe not at all.

Awwwwww

2011-02-12T23:29:00.001+08:00

While there are some on the international music scene blissfully unaware of a little island called Singapore, and others who find it too small to include it as a tour stop, the American chose Singapore to kick off her world tour.